Couple's Study

Encouragement and Enrichment for
Biblical Marriage Commitment & Living

“Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband”

(Ephesians 5:33)

Marriages contend with all types of issues - relationship, children, extended family, eldercare, special needs, outside influences, and more. We are not alone in our challenges. Equip yourself in Him for the blessing of marriage as we sharpen one another in God’s word to couples. Come and join us in a time of fellowship, sharing and enrichment.

Using the NIV Couples Devotional Bible as our curriculum, we discuss all aspects of marriage and glean from the wisdom and insight of numerous Christian Couples and Authors featured in the Couple’s Bible. Our aim is to strengthen the presence of Christ in our homes, as the foundation for a biblically based marriage, as as we strive to present a Christ-like witness to this world from our marriages.

We meet on 2nd Sunday evenings of the even-numbered months
(February through October)

Facilitators: Pastor Reggie & Shelley

Every couple goes through a stage during which they move from “me” to “we.” From that point on, couples think in terms of what is best for “us,” not just “me.” For the most part, this bonding is good and healthy. But sometimes the sense of oneness in marriage can lead us to forget the ways in which we remain unique, separate people.

A few years ago, my husband and I noticed we had a tendency to criticize each other in front of other people. Since neither of us felt good about this, we tried to figure out what was going on. Eventually, we realized that our criticism was a way of distancing ourselves from something the other person was doing that we found embarrassing or annoying. So if I thought Jim was monopolizing a conversation, I’d say something sarcastic about it.

What was really going on was that I was more concerned about what people would think of me than I was about my husband’s feelings. I used criticism as a way of siding with other people against my dear husband. As we talked about ways to change this behavior, we recognized that the key was to remember that we aren’t the same person. I can let Jim be Jim, knowing that anything he says or does isn’t nearly as off- putting to others as watching me take down my husband with a few sharp words. I can still be “me” in the midst of “we”—but only when I remember how important “we” are.

That’s a lesson Michal, David’s wife, could have used. David and Michal had had a rocky start to their relationship. King Saul had given his daughter Michal to David in marriage for the bride- price of a hundred Philistine foreskins, in the hope that David would be killed in battle (see 1 Samuel 18:17–29). After David fled from Saul, Saul gave Michal to another man. Later, after David had married other women and been crowned king over his own tribe of Judah, David demanded that Michal be returned to him—at least in part for political reasons (see 2 Samuel 3:12–16). While the Bible tells us that Michal loved David before they were married, it’s not clear how David felt about her. So while we don’t know what kind of bond existed between this man and woman, we see that Michal’s initial love wasn’t enough to keep her from being embarrassed by her husband’s enthusiasm.

We all have moments when we cringe at our spouse’s behavior. Sometimes my husband might genuinely be acting inappropriately. Other times, he might just be expressing joy or enthusiasm in a way that seems over- the- top to me. That’s when I need to pull back and remember that being “we” means standing side by side with my beloved, even when he embarrasses me.

After all, the beauty of being “we” is having someone who will love you even when it’s your turn to be embarrassing.

Let’s Talk

• How do we handle situations in which one of us does something that the other finds embarrassing?

• How can we demonstrate commitment and connection even when we’d rather distance ourselves from each other?

• How are we different in how we express our emotions?

• How can we learn to appreciate these differences in each other? What can we learn from each other in this area?

• What are some ways we can show each other support when we are with other people and are tempted to disassociate ourselves from each other?

(Carla Barnhill)

The Need for Respect

Posted on Apr 13, 2013 | 0 comments

Read Genesis 12:10–20

Life can present a married couple with tough choices. Do you take the promotion at work if it means traveling with business associates who have no scruples? Do you keep having lunches with your friend of the opposite sex if it makes your spouse uncomfortable? The list goes on.

So it was with Abram and Sarai. Famine in the land put them into crisis: move or die of starvation. So the couple relocated to Egypt to find food. But Abram made some poor choices there. Sarai was so beautiful that she was sure to attract the attention of Egyptian rulers who wouldn’t hesitate to kill Abram to get his wife. So Abram told his wife to say she was his sister. After all, it was partly true; Sarai was his half sister (see Genesis 20:12). And Abram did need to survive for the covenant promises of God to come true, right?

According to the prevailing pattern for women in that era, Sarai had no say about the arrangement. But how do you think she felt about a husband who feared more for his own skin than for hers? Could you trust your spouse after being misrepresented as someone you’re not? That kind of betrayal can drive a wedge between a couple that only widens over time.

In the movie Love Story, Oliver tells his girlfriend, Jennifer, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” Maybe that’s what Abram thought after telling a lie about his wife. Sure enough, the Egyptians praised her to Pharaoh, and Sarai was taken into Pharaoh’s palace. But God rescued Sarai out of that difficult situation by afflicting Pharaoh and his family with such serious diseases that Sarai was sent back to her husband—and Abram even got to keep the livestock and servants he had acquired in the process.

One problem with never saying you’re sorry after wronging your spouse is that you are then inclined to repeat your behavior. That’s exactly what happened. Some years later, Abram once more passed off his wife as his sister, this time to Abimelek, the king of Gerar (see Genesis 20). And years after that, Abram and Sarai’s son, Isaac, did the same thing with his wife, Rebekah (see Genesis 26). So one wrong left unresolved between a couple only succeeded in perpetuating the abuse, threatening the very calling of Abram to be the father of many nations.

The poor choices that Abram made affected his marriage and his future. A Christian married couple can learn from Abram’s life that choices have long- lasting ramifications. To deal with poor choices, own up to any misuse or disrespect of each other. Deal openly and quickly with the sin; come clean with each other and the Lord, and ask each other and God for forgiveness. Then resolve not to repeat the offense.

Let’s Talk

• Given the cultural and gender roles of his time, should Abram have apologized to his wife for his treatment of her? What might have happened as a result?

• Can telling all the truth in a situation also be a form of using each other? How far should we go in telling the truth?

• Do we agree or disagree with the statement “Love means never having to say you’re sorry”?

(John R. Throop)

Loving Our Differences

Posted on Feb 17, 2013 | 0 comments

Read Genesis 2:4–25

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth, complete with a vast array of flying, creeping, crawling things; shining lights in the sky; teeming waters; green plants and seed- bearing trees. And for the finishing touch, he made a human man in his own image, with a soul that would live forever.

But as great as all that was, it wasn’t enough. God, who had declared “good” everything that he had made thus far, realized it was “not good” for the man to be alone. So God put the man into a deep sleep, took a bone out of his side and created a creature so exquisite, so mind-boggling, so new and yet so familiar that when Adam woke to find Eve next to him, he exclaimed, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” (Genesis 2:23).

They fit so beautifully together, these two, that their lives intertwined. One can only imagine the special times they shared: the first time they made love, their first sunrise together, their late- night walks through the garden. How God must have delighted in these creatures he had made to expand the harmonious, loving relationship enjoyed by the Trinity itself!

Still, there were differences. Beyond the obvious anatomical distinctives, which made being together so pleasurable, there were differences built into the very DNA of this man and woman, such as how they showed their feelings, how they valued relationships, and how they solved problems. But the Creator God had designed those differences—not just the sexual ones—to bring man and woman together.

In the first blush of love, we too are intrigued by our differences. She loves his take- charge authority; he is intrigued by her emotional vulnerability. She is impressed by his concern for others; he admires her dedication to her job. He loves the sound of her voice; she loves his willingness to listen.

Still, in time, as love settles into the everyday intimacy of marriage, those very differences may begin to annoy us. And the more we dwell on those differences, the more power they have to separate and divide us. She talks too much; he never listens. She’s a workaholic; he’s too into his friends. He’s a control freak; she falls apart with the slightest challenge.

Our marriage vows challenge us to work through those differences. They remind us that no matter what threatens to divide and conquer us—chronic sickness, job changes, cross- country moves, recurrent infertility, pornography addiction, overspending—we will give our best effort to hang in there together, loving, honoring and obeying each other.

We can’t do that alone, however. The superglue that holds us together when everything threatens to push us apart is the God before whom we made our marriage vows. Through the power of his saving love, he can so transform us that we become more like him—and, amazingly, for all our differences, more like each other. And in that oneness, we become, as Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, “a cord of three strands,” which is not easily broken.